From A to Bee Read online

  OCTOBER 28

  At tonight's session, David is running late and we all get talking for the first time. The initial awkwardness of not knowing each other has gone and we have a common interest which makes things easier. There's a real mixture of people getting involved. I find out more about my co-learners. There's the father and son who have been beekeeping before but want to have an update on modern techniques (when I say 'father and son', the son is easily in his fifties). There are a few others who have kept bees previously, including an Aussie guy who sounds quite experienced in keeping bees but only in Australia, who wants to find out why we are better beekeepers (OK, maybe I'm making that bit up). Then there are a few, like me, who just want more information but are keen to get started. There are at least three married couples; it is evident that one of the pairing is keen and the other, duty-bound, has come along for support.

  The average age is about 45 and about 60 per cent are male. Thirty per cent of them started the course with beards and now I would say at least 50 per cent have them and so it does seem that some are starting to morph into my stereotypical beekeeper as the course goes on. Fortunately I don't seem to be changing just yet, although I do seem to be enjoying more cider recently…

  OCTOBER 29

  Last night at my session not only did I learn a little bit more about my fellow classmates, we also learned a lot about swarming. Before now I had never considered swarms, other than hearing horror stories about people seeing them fly by with almost military precision, with a noise equivalent to a jet plane flying past, and everyone diving for cover. Needless to say I was pretty sure swarms were not a good thing. I was quite taken aback when I realised it was quite the opposite in fact.

  I had never before considered the reason for a swarm. I discovered that it is an example of the amazing perception of the colony that knows it is under threat and does something about it. A 'new' queen is raised – how, I do not know yet – and the old queen leaves the hive with between 1,500 and 30,000 bees to set up a new colony elsewhere. There are a multitude of reasons for this, which could include a diseased hive or the fact that they are running out of space but in any case, they do it in the interests of the colony.

  It also transpires that this is the time that people are least likely to get stung. David showed us pictures of beekeepers with various limbs being inserted into a swarm once it had come to rest. He then decided to show us a picture of a beekeeper with a 'bee beard', which is exactly what it sounds like, i.e. thousands of bees that affix themselves to someone's face. As they are in a swarm state they are said to be calm and docile. Having looked online tonight, while thinking about this whole swarming malarkey, I found out that the current 'world record' – how is there a world record for this sort of thing?! – was 57 pounds of bees!

  The crazy thing about these bee beards is that they date back to the 1700s. Surely there must have been better things to do than layer your chin with bees. Another ancient technique was known as 'tanging' – apparently back in the day, people saw a swarm as good luck and hence tried to lay claim to the swarming bees. They would run after the swarm banging pots and pans to try to calm the bees and 'tempt them into stopping'. People would then rest their handkerchief over the swarm to lay claim; another piece of silly British tradition and a practical demonstration of just what you can do with a handkerchief.

  NOVEMBER 4

  Tonight it really struck me just how much I have already learned about bees but, at the same time, just how much more there is still to learn. David took us through the mechanics of the queen bee today. It just shows how important she is with a whole session dedicated to her, and to be honest she is quite an amazing subject. However, David was quite quick to state she was simply an 'egg-laying machine', and though it was a relatively complex job, that was all she really was.

  I can't quite imagine our queen wanting to be labelled this way but it was interesting to hear that actually the queen isn't the real leader in the hive. Like us, a democratic society, the workers and drones are the real decision-makers (OK, I realise that might sound a little naive!) and arguably, because of the variety of jobs they do, are also the more advanced bee.

  The queen bee seems to keep the colony together and calm by emitting pheromones. Apparently, if the queen suddenly dies, within fifteen minutes the colony will be aware of this and will immediately set about raising a new queen. This is also true if they feel that the queen is losing a bit of strength or if she has accidentally been damaged; the bees will start raising a new one, even if she is still present in the hive. I find this all rather astounding. How on earth can a colony of 60,000 make a collective decision on these sorts of matters within fifteen minutes?

  I have a theory that it is either a very complex game of Chinese whispers (although unfortunately if that were true, what started out as 'we must raise a new queen' could end up something completely different) or evidence of a highly functional, structured and organised set-up which, at my current level of expertise, I simply cannot explain.

  Can you imagine this happening in our world: 60,000 people trying to make a decision to essentially bump off the Queen? It would take fifteen years, not fifteen minutes. I couldn't see Queenie being too pleased if, while walking around Buckingham Palace, she saw one of her footmen desperately hiding a new queen behind a coat of armour in the corner of the throne room. In the bee world, the old queen gets the hump and flies off with half the colony. To top this off, David went on to tell us some even more amazing facts about queens that I wasn't already aware of:

  • A worker will only live for about six weeks whereas a queen can live for up to five years.

  • After her mating trip, the queen will keep laying eggs for the rest of her life at a rate of up to 2,500 eggs per day.

  • The queen can select whether she fertilises an egg or not – if she fertilises the egg she creates a worker, if she chooses not to, a drone is the result.

  All in all it was a pretty fascinating evening; so much so that as I left the classroom in deep thought, I managed to fall down all the stone steps to my car. This happened just as another group of people were walking out of the main building only to see me perform a stuntman-like somersault down the steps and land on my feet. It must have looked amazing aside from the fact that I landed on wet leaves and so skidded along before promptly falling on my derrière. Not my proudest of moments! But I did say I was clumsy.

  NOVEMBER 7

  I must be addicted. Never before in my life have I ever taken homework seriously, but on Wednesday we were given the task of reading some leaflets about bee diseases ahead of next week's lesson, and here I am tonight dutifully sitting in front of the fire with a lovely glass of red wine (maybe that is the difference from my school days) reading the leaflets word for word. My God, bees are not having a good time of it; my God, there are so many diseases.

  Shockingly, not only did I do my homework but I also found myself reading around the topic; something my parents and teachers could only have dreamed about when I was a child. I was going online to find out more about the diseases just so I was better prepared for next week… Quite scary really, but I am already excited about starting next year.

  NOVEMBER 11

  I knew tonight was going to be a rather sombre occasion as I had learned about the diseases but I never realised quite the impact it would have. I would advise you now to go and get a nice strong drink to prepare yourself for a rather melancholy read!

  I was expecting to hear that bees were getting the equivalent of the human cold and that reports in the media were being slightly exaggerated; such is my optimistic attitude to life. What I wasn't expecting was the fact that for once our media are rather downplaying the problems. It is more like Armageddon for the global bee population as a pneumonia virus sweeps through it.

  David was very good at explaining the issues but the frustrating thing for him as a bee inspector and, from the sounds of it, for every beekeeper alive, is that there is no complete diagnosis. It
did get a bit technical so my revision certainly paid off. In brief, it sounds as if the bees' immune systems are weakened as larvae, probably by a mite called varroa. This is a vicious little bed-bug-like mite that, if seen up close under a microscope, would give children nightmares for weeks. They weaken the larvae such that, as adult bees, a whole host of secondary diseases make their move and kill them off.

  From the sounds of it upwards of 30–50 per cent of hives are being affected every year at the moment, with colonies literally 'collapsing'. Apparently beekeepers are finding hives either abandoned, with no bees in them at all, or there is a slow and gradual decline in numbers until they all die a painful death, unable to look after themselves.

  It seems pretty desperate. I needed a drink after the session and so popped to the local pub with some of my new beekeeping buddies. Some of them who had kept bees before had experienced colony losses themselves. It is amazing how attached people get to their bees and obvious how upsetting it could be to see them simply disappear.

  A pint seemed to nullify the feelings of sadness at the situation and made me more determined to do what I can to help. Back home now, though, the enormity of the situation hits me again. I feel a call to arms is needed! Hence I have decided to set up a Facebook page for other beginner beekeepers (www.facebook.com/beginnerbeekeepers) to see what or who is out there. It will be nice to be able to speak to other beginners out there, to share experiences however good, bad or – in my case – stupid they may be.

  NOVEMBER 15

  A few weeks ago, you may remember, I sat in bed contemplating using a pair of compasses to measure my bees' flight path on a map. This was before I thought better of it as I was lying there next to my sleeping wife. I would definitely have been in the dog house if I dropped the compasses and stabbed her in the back while she slept. Quite pleased I didn't go through with that plan in hindsight.

  Even using those rough estimates from before I still can't quite believe the size of the area in which they fly. I also can't quite believe that despite the fact I live in the arse-end of nowhere, with cows and sheep for neighbours, there are sixteen pubs within the area. Today I was able to put the two maps needed together and review the pub situation more closely. What an excuse to have a drive around, especially as I have never even seen half of them, let alone been in them.

  Suffice to say Jo and I took Sebastian, our very little but ever-so-chubby one, on a pub crawl road trip. Essentially we went out on the proviso of visiting a couple of pubs in the local area for a few drinks and a spot of lunch. It has been quite a while since Jo and I have ventured out because Sebastian is still young, so this was deemed a real treat. Well, it was until I requested that we drive the 'long way round' so that I could look out of the window at the fields. I feel it's important to understand what my bees will be foraging on locally. It had never really dawned on me before that different flowers or crops would produce different honey and also require different methods of managing a hive. Without knowing what was growing locally, it would make the job that little bit harder.

  Imagine realising that your husband wants to visit the pub as a cover for driving around looking at fields for an hour or two. There I was, notebook in hand, nose literally stuck to the window as Jo drove around, Sebastian asleep in the back, writing notes on all the fields I saw. How very sad. A trainspotter is one thing but a field-spotter is quite another.

  The worst bit was, and I should have realised this before we set out, we are in the depths of winter. What hope had I got of knowing what was planted? It was immediately obvious that yes, there were lots of fields, but most of them contained 6 inch-high stubs of previously harvested crops. It was either that or freshly dug-over soil for mile upon mile.

  So I learned a lot today but more about the local landscape, and a few pubs, than I did about what my bees might be flying to. I will say that the afternoon got a lot more fun after the third pub, having my third variation of local ale – especially as it was a Christmas beer called 'Santa's Wobble'. As the name suggests I was wobbling slightly as I left.

  Still, it's certainly a job worth doing, though the mission wasn't really accomplished; maybe I will just have to do it all again in the spring. I might have to work harder at convincing Jo next time, though.

  Strange as it seems, in a couple of days it's the penultimate session of my training course. I still haven't seen any bees and yet I feel I am becoming strangely attached to these little black and yellow insects that for years I have been afraid of and tried to run away from. The fear seems to be abating the more I understand them and the important role they play in all of our lives but I realise it will still be a minimum of four months until I actually get to see my own bees and get my own hive. It seems a long way off.

  NOVEMBER 17

  Today's penultimate session dealt with the 'products of the hive'. Here I was thinking that meant basically 'honey'.

  I had already learned that worker bees have little wax glands on their back. The generated shards of wax are then moulded and manipulated to build the wax cells to deposit the honey in or for the queen to lay her eggs in. I know this sounds funny but I hadn't put two and two together and realised this wax can then be melted down and made into beeswax candles – I'd never really linked up the name before now.

  There are also some beekeepers who specifically harvest pollen and attach so-called pollen traps to the outside of their hives – rather ugly-looking, brightly coloured boxes which knock off pollen from the backs of the bees' legs as they fly into the hive. I have images of little boxing gloves attached to springs which come out and punch the legs of bees as they walk through the trap. Apparently some beekeepers sell local pollen for people to eat. 'A teaspoon a day keeps the hay fever away', to take a popular phrase and change it around a little bit.

  Then you have royal jelly, which really sounds special. Apparently royal jelly is fed to eggs and larvae to provide a rich diet of pollen and nectar; eggs selected as workers are fed it for a few days before switching to another foodstuff, whereas eggs selected to generate a potential new queen are fed royal jelly exclusively. Now I had heard about royal jelly before in hair shampoo but didn't have a clue that it is essentially bee food. I certainly didn't realise that it had great medicinal qualities. It is used to control Graves' disease and stimulate stem cell growth, not to mention its cholesterol-lowering and antibiotic properties. I believe, having heard all of this, humans should bathe in royal jelly every day for an hour or at least use it as an alternative to ketchup, and we would all be much healthier. I know there are some beauty salons that already use bee venom in some procedures to make people look more beautiful so I wonder how long it will be till health farms start to offer these royal jelly baths. What a great present for your wife – a bath filled with bee food!

  There are plenty of other products that can be harvested from the hive – propolis, or bee glue, is another one that beekeepers can sell on for ridiculous sums of money in some countries – who knows why? Perhaps it's simply due to its scarcity and difficulty of extraction. Until today I had just considered honey as the sole product of a beehive and was simply thinking of a beehive as something that looked nice at the bottom of the garden. I have never before considered the huge variety of substances that bees produce and the ways and means of extracting them.

  It was quite interesting to see the opinions bandied around in the meeting, though. Some of us had fallen for the idealistic notion of beekeeping and helping the bees out of this spot of bother they had got into recently. Others were looking at it through commercial eyes as a money-making option in these hard economic times. I have to say, it does seem a little strange to exploit what bees are producing as surely there must be a reason they make it all in the first place. I cannot see that one or two jars of honey are too much to take away but I am sure taking all of the products away from the hive cannot be a good thing. They certainly don't make it for our benefit and for us to take away from them. It seems almost wrong that they are struggli
ng and yet we are harvesting everything they produce for themselves. That cannot be right, surely?

  Food for thought.

  NOVEMBER 24

  The time has come. Tonight was my last session, time to bid farewell to this group of people that I have come to know through a mutual interest over the last few weeks. Who knows if any will gravitate to becoming a true beekeeper and take on the practical element of the hobby next year but I know one thing's for certain – I will be.

  David is a bee inspector and it's my understanding now that he is one of the revered few who know exactly what they are talking about. Should I join the British Beekeepers' Association (BBKA), he might pop up during a hive inspection to keep an eye on what I was doing. Daunting as it sounded, tonight David turned into a salesman and recruiter for the local beekeeping association.